Her Weapon was Awesome
Sam's old buddy Woxof, whom long-time readers of the blog will recognize from the comments section, emailed him a story that he'd been told too late to put in his Christmas letter:
His 5 year old grandson's got a crush on one of the little neighbor girls, who showed up, on Halloween, dressed as a fairy princess, in some white chiffon thing, complete with rhinestone tiara and sparkling magic fairy princess wand. Asked, later, if he liked the neighbor's costume, the grandson said "Yes! And she has an awesome weapon!"
Indeed.
Woxof, I take it, was sorry he wasn't able to get that in his Christmas letter. He produces Christmas letters that we actually look forward too. They are not bragging letters; they are not smarmy. They are funny, even though they contain actual news.
He's begun to wonder if they're still up to snuff; let's see; here's a bit from this year's:
Despite a scant background in the sciences, due mostly to a lack of talent, I believe that I have identified a new medical condition. I call it Sino-Rhinoitis. This syndrome is common to people who have an allergic reaction while assembling an artificial Christmas tree made in China. The patient presents with sneezing, complaining, and using foul language. It can often be brought on when one's spouse has thrown away the assembly instructions.
Well, this seems acceptable to me. I have, on reading this passage, no urge to fly over to where the author lives and strangle him or her. No, indeed, I'd like to read more. And I did. Too bad for you you're not on his Christmas letter list, cause you'd get one of these every year.
An example of a Christmas letter we get every year, and which does cause me to wish to fly off, find the author, and commit homicide, looks like this:
I continue to enjoy my retirement and yet I wonder how I accomplished all I did when I was working 40+ hours each week. I stay involved with many volunteer activities at the church. I'm still facilitating a weekly First Place group and find this challenging even after 16 years. The GriefShare support group ministry has become my passion. It is rewarding for me to know that God allows me to help walk people through their grief journey. I love being part of our choir at the church, and God continues to bless me by allowing me to sing solos for different occasions.
Well. What fascinates me about my disagreeable response to such...news...as this is that, although I too believe in God, and I too think grief ministry is important, and I too am really glad when I'm useful to the other humans, and I too am grateful to God when I'm allowed to be useful and exercise my talents, I DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT THIS IN A LETTER SENT OUT TO DISTANT ACQUAINTANCES.
If I knew this person, I would be interested in hearing this news, if it looked like this: I am still being as useful as I can, in grief ministry, and singing in the choir, and I enjoy that work very much, and am grateful I get to do it.
There. There's the writing lesson for the day. Woxof, please read over your Christmas letter and notice that it does not, in any way, resemble the Bad Example.
I haven't got one to hand, alas, but Sam says that he used to get a yearly Christmas letter from a distant relative by marriage that consisted entirely, after the "Merry Christmas" greeting, of a litany of complaints, all about how the author had been mistreated that year by store clerks and airline personnel and newspaper boys and doctors' receptionists and unknown people on the phone. Don't write that letter either.
Here, though, is an example of what a decent Christmas letter could look like, if you weren't being funny, and were just giving out the most important news of the year to your distant cousins; I give you excerpts from another Christmas newsletter we look forward to every year; news from some of my Norwegian cousins:
Vidar was traveling to Thailand before New Year in 2004. He should have been there before Christmas, but he did not get plane at that time, otherwise they would have been in Patong when the tsunami was coming. I am very lucky for that....The 2. of July we went to England in wedding to Sonja Elizabeth and Paul. It as a lovely wedding in a very nice Solent Hotel and Spa in Fareham south in England. I am glad we come back before the bomb went off in the underground in London....We went on one weeks holiday in Alanya in Turkey in the beginning of September. It was sun and lovely weather every day, and the sea was about 27-28 degrees Celsius. It was a lot of rain in Bergen when we was in Turkey. It was a new record of rain, and the water flooded over many places, and some people was killed in landslide not so far away from where we live....
Now, THAT'S a Christmas letter. Major events of the world that didn't kill us this year, reported with a complete lack of smarminess. Excellent.
His 5 year old grandson's got a crush on one of the little neighbor girls, who showed up, on Halloween, dressed as a fairy princess, in some white chiffon thing, complete with rhinestone tiara and sparkling magic fairy princess wand. Asked, later, if he liked the neighbor's costume, the grandson said "Yes! And she has an awesome weapon!"
Indeed.
Woxof, I take it, was sorry he wasn't able to get that in his Christmas letter. He produces Christmas letters that we actually look forward too. They are not bragging letters; they are not smarmy. They are funny, even though they contain actual news.
He's begun to wonder if they're still up to snuff; let's see; here's a bit from this year's:
Despite a scant background in the sciences, due mostly to a lack of talent, I believe that I have identified a new medical condition. I call it Sino-Rhinoitis. This syndrome is common to people who have an allergic reaction while assembling an artificial Christmas tree made in China. The patient presents with sneezing, complaining, and using foul language. It can often be brought on when one's spouse has thrown away the assembly instructions.
Well, this seems acceptable to me. I have, on reading this passage, no urge to fly over to where the author lives and strangle him or her. No, indeed, I'd like to read more. And I did. Too bad for you you're not on his Christmas letter list, cause you'd get one of these every year.
An example of a Christmas letter we get every year, and which does cause me to wish to fly off, find the author, and commit homicide, looks like this:
I continue to enjoy my retirement and yet I wonder how I accomplished all I did when I was working 40+ hours each week. I stay involved with many volunteer activities at the church. I'm still facilitating a weekly First Place group and find this challenging even after 16 years. The GriefShare support group ministry has become my passion. It is rewarding for me to know that God allows me to help walk people through their grief journey. I love being part of our choir at the church, and God continues to bless me by allowing me to sing solos for different occasions.
Well. What fascinates me about my disagreeable response to such...news...as this is that, although I too believe in God, and I too think grief ministry is important, and I too am really glad when I'm useful to the other humans, and I too am grateful to God when I'm allowed to be useful and exercise my talents, I DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT THIS IN A LETTER SENT OUT TO DISTANT ACQUAINTANCES.
If I knew this person, I would be interested in hearing this news, if it looked like this: I am still being as useful as I can, in grief ministry, and singing in the choir, and I enjoy that work very much, and am grateful I get to do it.
There. There's the writing lesson for the day. Woxof, please read over your Christmas letter and notice that it does not, in any way, resemble the Bad Example.
I haven't got one to hand, alas, but Sam says that he used to get a yearly Christmas letter from a distant relative by marriage that consisted entirely, after the "Merry Christmas" greeting, of a litany of complaints, all about how the author had been mistreated that year by store clerks and airline personnel and newspaper boys and doctors' receptionists and unknown people on the phone. Don't write that letter either.
Here, though, is an example of what a decent Christmas letter could look like, if you weren't being funny, and were just giving out the most important news of the year to your distant cousins; I give you excerpts from another Christmas newsletter we look forward to every year; news from some of my Norwegian cousins:
Vidar was traveling to Thailand before New Year in 2004. He should have been there before Christmas, but he did not get plane at that time, otherwise they would have been in Patong when the tsunami was coming. I am very lucky for that....The 2. of July we went to England in wedding to Sonja Elizabeth and Paul. It as a lovely wedding in a very nice Solent Hotel and Spa in Fareham south in England. I am glad we come back before the bomb went off in the underground in London....We went on one weeks holiday in Alanya in Turkey in the beginning of September. It was sun and lovely weather every day, and the sea was about 27-28 degrees Celsius. It was a lot of rain in Bergen when we was in Turkey. It was a new record of rain, and the water flooded over many places, and some people was killed in landslide not so far away from where we live....
Now, THAT'S a Christmas letter. Major events of the world that didn't kill us this year, reported with a complete lack of smarminess. Excellent.
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