Even Better Advice From the Folks
Most of you have probably moved on from the Advice From Folksongs thread I mentioned a few days ago. I haven't though; I regularly stop in, to see what's been added to the thread, and occasionally add things myself, as I love the folksongs with a mighty love, and, as I mentioned earlier, recognize about 90% percent of them, even the new ones, I don't care; apparently I have an infinite tolerance for folksongs of all sorts.*
This morning, I discovered a new comment, written by the original poster, and it made me laugh so long I wanted to share it, so here it is:
When we were young my brother and I had a game we called "Folksong Prevention."
If bad things happen in a folksong, just put in enough extra stanzas in the middle to keep the bad stuff away.
For example:
The Cruel Sister, after the younger, fairer sister is pushed in the water:
She did the breast stroke and butterfly
Lay the bent to the bonny broom
Said "I learned to swim down at the Y"
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
She did the sidestroke, she did the crawl,
Lay the bent to the bonny broom
And a racing turn at the miller's wall
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
And so on for as many strokes as you can think of.
Or, in Long Lankin, keep adding warnings at the beginning:
Said my lord to my lady
As he pulled on his socks
Beware of Long Lankin
Who lives in the rocks.
Said my lord to my lady
As he stirred his hot tea
Beware of Long Lankin
Who lives up a tree.
Said my lord to my lady
As he cut his beef roast
Beware of Long Lankin
Who sits on a post.
And so on, for hours if necessary.
Or, in John Henry, add Man Who Invented the Steam Drill stanzas to keep John Henry from dying in the contest:
The man who invented the steam drill
Thought that he was mighty fine
Said if you want to drive sixteen feet
Just put two steamdrills on the line,
Lord lord,
Just put two steamdrills on the line.
The man who invented the steamdrill
Was sitting underneath a tree
Said every time a steam drill gets sold
A dollar and a half comes to me,
Lord Lord,
A dollar and a half comes to me.
The man who invented the steamdrill
Said it just ain't no use
A man like Henry comes once a hundred years
A steam drill can be mass produced,
Lord lord,
A steam drill can be mass produced.
Extemporize more as the situation requires.
(That's when we learned that the reason for the repeated lines was to give you time to think of a next stanza.)
Lovely.
Reminds me of the excellent folk song versions the Smothers Brothers used to sing, which, admittedly, move the songs in a different direction -- they make them shorter -- but are also very funny. My favorite was "Wreck of the Old 49," written by Shel Silverstein, which went, in its entirety,
Well, I'll sing you a song 'bout the old Forty Nine,
The fastest engine on the Santa Fe line.
On the fourteenth of April, she made a desp'rate dash,
And she got there on time and she did not crash!
Indeed.
As for methods of making folk songs go on forever, I had a project, when the child was a baby, which involved making "Hush Little Baby, Don't You Cry" go on as long as possible, making it up as I went along, with new and different presents. The rule was, as soon as I got to something that had to do with going to sleep, the song was over. Sometimes it got into an infinite loop; sometimes I got stuck with something I could not rhyme. Whilst it was progressing it looked like this:
Hush, little baby, don't you weep,
Mama's gonna buy you a flock of sheep.
And if those sheep are all too dumb
Mama's gonna buy you a rule of thumb.
And if that rule cannot be used,
Mama's gonna buy you a pair of shoes.
And if that pair of shoes won't fit
Mama's gonna buy you a sack....
Well, you see where this will go. There's room to keep going, here.
But sometimes the method doesn't work, and it gets done too soon:
Hush, little baby, don't you scream,
Mama's gonna buy you a limousine.
And if that limousine won't go,
Mama's gonna buy you a bibelot.
And if that bibelot's too small
Mama's gonna buy you a golden ball.
And if that golden ball's too bright
Mama's gonna give you a kiss goodnight.
and then you're done. Too bad, baby. Go to sleep.
I remember that somehow I could buy something that was "too hard," which got to "Mama's gonna buy you a lumber yard. / And if that lumber yard burns down, / Mama's gonna buy you London Town."
I think then London Town went broke.
*************************
*Speaking of which, Richard Thompson's supposed to be coming to town, but I can't figure out when, and I am SO there. Gotta be there. Can't miss it.
This morning, I discovered a new comment, written by the original poster, and it made me laugh so long I wanted to share it, so here it is:
When we were young my brother and I had a game we called "Folksong Prevention."
If bad things happen in a folksong, just put in enough extra stanzas in the middle to keep the bad stuff away.
For example:
The Cruel Sister, after the younger, fairer sister is pushed in the water:
She did the breast stroke and butterfly
Lay the bent to the bonny broom
Said "I learned to swim down at the Y"
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
She did the sidestroke, she did the crawl,
Lay the bent to the bonny broom
And a racing turn at the miller's wall
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
And so on for as many strokes as you can think of.
Or, in Long Lankin, keep adding warnings at the beginning:
Said my lord to my lady
As he pulled on his socks
Beware of Long Lankin
Who lives in the rocks.
Said my lord to my lady
As he stirred his hot tea
Beware of Long Lankin
Who lives up a tree.
Said my lord to my lady
As he cut his beef roast
Beware of Long Lankin
Who sits on a post.
And so on, for hours if necessary.
Or, in John Henry, add Man Who Invented the Steam Drill stanzas to keep John Henry from dying in the contest:
The man who invented the steam drill
Thought that he was mighty fine
Said if you want to drive sixteen feet
Just put two steamdrills on the line,
Lord lord,
Just put two steamdrills on the line.
The man who invented the steamdrill
Was sitting underneath a tree
Said every time a steam drill gets sold
A dollar and a half comes to me,
Lord Lord,
A dollar and a half comes to me.
The man who invented the steamdrill
Said it just ain't no use
A man like Henry comes once a hundred years
A steam drill can be mass produced,
Lord lord,
A steam drill can be mass produced.
Extemporize more as the situation requires.
(That's when we learned that the reason for the repeated lines was to give you time to think of a next stanza.)
Lovely.
Reminds me of the excellent folk song versions the Smothers Brothers used to sing, which, admittedly, move the songs in a different direction -- they make them shorter -- but are also very funny. My favorite was "Wreck of the Old 49," written by Shel Silverstein, which went, in its entirety,
Well, I'll sing you a song 'bout the old Forty Nine,
The fastest engine on the Santa Fe line.
On the fourteenth of April, she made a desp'rate dash,
And she got there on time and she did not crash!
Indeed.
As for methods of making folk songs go on forever, I had a project, when the child was a baby, which involved making "Hush Little Baby, Don't You Cry" go on as long as possible, making it up as I went along, with new and different presents. The rule was, as soon as I got to something that had to do with going to sleep, the song was over. Sometimes it got into an infinite loop; sometimes I got stuck with something I could not rhyme. Whilst it was progressing it looked like this:
Hush, little baby, don't you weep,
Mama's gonna buy you a flock of sheep.
And if those sheep are all too dumb
Mama's gonna buy you a rule of thumb.
And if that rule cannot be used,
Mama's gonna buy you a pair of shoes.
And if that pair of shoes won't fit
Mama's gonna buy you a sack....
Well, you see where this will go. There's room to keep going, here.
But sometimes the method doesn't work, and it gets done too soon:
Hush, little baby, don't you scream,
Mama's gonna buy you a limousine.
And if that limousine won't go,
Mama's gonna buy you a bibelot.
And if that bibelot's too small
Mama's gonna buy you a golden ball.
And if that golden ball's too bright
Mama's gonna give you a kiss goodnight.
and then you're done. Too bad, baby. Go to sleep.
I remember that somehow I could buy something that was "too hard," which got to "Mama's gonna buy you a lumber yard. / And if that lumber yard burns down, / Mama's gonna buy you London Town."
I think then London Town went broke.
*************************
*Speaking of which, Richard Thompson's supposed to be coming to town, but I can't figure out when, and I am SO there. Gotta be there. Can't miss it.
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