Finding Mrs. Mortimer
Yesterday, when I got in, Sam and the child demanded that I blog their new find -- an author they discovered in the latest (April 11) edition of The New Yorker: Mrs. Mortimer, 1802-1878.
They just think Mrs. Mortimer is hilarious, and I expect they want all her books, which alas, means hanging out on abe.com for a while. In "Global Warning," Todd Pruzan, who's recently edited selections from her geography books, provides an excellent biographical and literary discussion of this prolific writer, of whom most of us have never heard. The piece is worth going out and buying a copy of The New Yorker, even if you don't generally read it.
I think that probably around here we could do without the geography books, pace Pruzan, though they would be useful, as catalogs of nasty Victorian stereotypes of All Humans In The Then Known World (all of Mrs. Mortimer's information, by the way, came from reading; she wrote travel books, but never travelled anywhere).
But what we cannot do without, and must find, is her most popular book, "The Peep of Day; or, a Series of the Earliest Religious Instruction the Infant Mind is Capable of Receiving," because Pruzan provides excerpts, and it is clearly an excellently gawdawful hilarious book which we must own. Here's an example:
God has covered your bones with flesh. Your flesh is soft and warm.
In your flesh there is blood. God has put skin outside, and it covers your flesh and blood like a coat...How kind of God it was to give you a body! I hope that your body will not get hurt.
Will your bones break? -- Yes, they would, if you were to fall down from a high place, or if a cart were to go over them...
How easy it would be to hurt your poor little body!
If it were to fall into the fire, it would be burned up.. If a great knife were run through your body, the blood would come out. If a great box were to fall on your head, your head would be crushed. If you were to fall out of the window, your neck would be broken. If you were not to eat some food for a few days, your little body would be very sick, your breath would stop, and you would grow cold, and you would soon be dead.
Now, that's writing. Too bad I've already given the child the earliest religious instruction his mind was capable of understanding, cause I took a different tack, and I'd like to be able to try out this book on an actual child, sort of as an experiment. Sort of an amusement, really. If you have extra children, and you'd like me to experiment on them, you just send them on over. I'll read to them.
Or, from "Reading Without Tears," from 1857:
What is the matter with that little boy? He has taken poison. He saw a cup of poison on the shelf. He said, "This seems sweet stuff." So he drank it. Why did he take it without leave? Can the doctor cure him? Will the poison destroy him? He must die.
This beats "See Spot run. Run, Spot, run," all to hell and gone. I see that I would be a MUCH better person had I had this excellent primer as a child, and the world would be a better place for it. Sir Winston Churchill read this book as a child. Case in point.
Alas, except for Pruzan's collection of geography excerpts (which Sam might be receiving at some point, but don't tell him), all Mrs. Mortimer's stuff's out of print. The cheapest copy of "Peep of Day" at abe.com is selling for $72 this morning. Some of the geography books are running $250 to $400. "Reading Without Tears" is nowhere to be found. Keep your eyes peeled, boys and girls. In the meantime, I hope that your bodies will not get hurt.
They just think Mrs. Mortimer is hilarious, and I expect they want all her books, which alas, means hanging out on abe.com for a while. In "Global Warning," Todd Pruzan, who's recently edited selections from her geography books, provides an excellent biographical and literary discussion of this prolific writer, of whom most of us have never heard. The piece is worth going out and buying a copy of The New Yorker, even if you don't generally read it.
I think that probably around here we could do without the geography books, pace Pruzan, though they would be useful, as catalogs of nasty Victorian stereotypes of All Humans In The Then Known World (all of Mrs. Mortimer's information, by the way, came from reading; she wrote travel books, but never travelled anywhere).
But what we cannot do without, and must find, is her most popular book, "The Peep of Day; or, a Series of the Earliest Religious Instruction the Infant Mind is Capable of Receiving," because Pruzan provides excerpts, and it is clearly an excellently gawdawful hilarious book which we must own. Here's an example:
God has covered your bones with flesh. Your flesh is soft and warm.
In your flesh there is blood. God has put skin outside, and it covers your flesh and blood like a coat...How kind of God it was to give you a body! I hope that your body will not get hurt.
Will your bones break? -- Yes, they would, if you were to fall down from a high place, or if a cart were to go over them...
How easy it would be to hurt your poor little body!
If it were to fall into the fire, it would be burned up.. If a great knife were run through your body, the blood would come out. If a great box were to fall on your head, your head would be crushed. If you were to fall out of the window, your neck would be broken. If you were not to eat some food for a few days, your little body would be very sick, your breath would stop, and you would grow cold, and you would soon be dead.
Now, that's writing. Too bad I've already given the child the earliest religious instruction his mind was capable of understanding, cause I took a different tack, and I'd like to be able to try out this book on an actual child, sort of as an experiment. Sort of an amusement, really. If you have extra children, and you'd like me to experiment on them, you just send them on over. I'll read to them.
Or, from "Reading Without Tears," from 1857:
What is the matter with that little boy? He has taken poison. He saw a cup of poison on the shelf. He said, "This seems sweet stuff." So he drank it. Why did he take it without leave? Can the doctor cure him? Will the poison destroy him? He must die.
This beats "See Spot run. Run, Spot, run," all to hell and gone. I see that I would be a MUCH better person had I had this excellent primer as a child, and the world would be a better place for it. Sir Winston Churchill read this book as a child. Case in point.
Alas, except for Pruzan's collection of geography excerpts (which Sam might be receiving at some point, but don't tell him), all Mrs. Mortimer's stuff's out of print. The cheapest copy of "Peep of Day" at abe.com is selling for $72 this morning. Some of the geography books are running $250 to $400. "Reading Without Tears" is nowhere to be found. Keep your eyes peeled, boys and girls. In the meantime, I hope that your bodies will not get hurt.
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