Fun With Pilots
Among my Faithful Readers is one of Sam's buddies -- those of you who regularly read the comments know him as WOXOF.* I admire him greatly, because he writes the funniest Christmas "what my family did this year" letter I've ever seen. Makes you want to join the family and go to jail, just so you can read about it in December. High point of the holidays. He's bemused to find himself regularly reading a knitting blog; apparently this couldn't have been predicted in his youth -- but there you are. Never name the well from which you will not drink. Sometimes he sends us little tidbits that would work GREAT on the blog, he says -- the one I remember best was a clip of one of those hilarious plane crashes that pilots find hysterically funny (the real pilot did indeed walk away from the crash, so it wasn't tragic, just heart-stopping and costly). You didn't get to see it here, cause...well...well, I just did NOT know how to joke about it. But I'll admit. As far as hilarious plane crashes go, it was Right Up There. One of the best.
(What is it about pilots, by the way? WOXOF's like this, Sam's like this, Dad's like this. Once I said to Dad that my brothers and I had all agreed that if he died in the air, in his beloved little plane, we could deal with that, since he'd be doing the Thing He Loves Best. There was a pause. Well, Dad said, I probably wouldn't die in the AIR....) (Old joke. "Flying isn't dangerous. CRASHING is dangerous.)
Anyway. I've got more stuff from WOXOF today. He's discovered An Hilarious Parody Document making the rounds of various piloting sites, and because I'm so touched by his blog faithfulness, I'm going to share it with you.
The document purports to be from British Airways:
There appears to be some confusion over the new pilot role titles. This notice will hopefully clear up any misunderstandings.
The titles P1, P2 and Co-Pilot will now cease to have any meaning, within the BA operations manuals. They are to be replaced by Handling Pilot, Non-Handling Pilot, Handling Landing Pilot, Non-Handling Landing Pilot, Handling Non- Landing Pilot, and Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
The Landing Pilot is initially the Handling Pilot and will handle the take-off and landing, except in role reversal when he is the Non- Handling Pilot for taxi, until the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the Handling to the Landing Pilot at eighty knots.
The Non-Landing (Non-Handling, since the Landing Pilot is handling) Pilot reads the checklist to the Handling Pilot until after the Before Descent Checklist completion, when the Handling Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non- Handling Non-Landing Pilot who then becomes the Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
The Landing Pilot is the Non-Handling Pilot until the "decision altitude" call, when the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Landing Pilot, unless the latter calls "go-around", in which case the Handling Non-Landing Pilot, continues handling and the Non-Handling Landing Pilot continues non-handling until the next call of "land" or "go-around", as appropriate.
In view of the recent confusion over these rules, it was deemed necessary to restate them clearly.
Excellent document.
WOXOF sent this on to our household, since we're in favor of clear writing; he knew we'd enjoy this. (It alarms me, mildly, that I have no trouble following it. Too many years of Elizabethan Secretary Hand? Too many years of freshman essays? Who knows.) Whilst googling, to see where it came from (which was when I discovered that it's omnipresent and ubiquitous, and has some sort of beginning, but damned if I can figure out where), I discovered many many items such as pilots think are hilarious.
Here's another:
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and over fly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs."
Ha, ha! What a hoot. Whata buncha crazy guys!
(If only I could ROW to England this summer. This is NOT making me happier about flying, guys.)
Those of you who need more aviation humor are now provided with the following helpful links (WOXOF, bookmark 'em!):
F-16 Humor (as opposed to humor concerning other, less important planes)
Frugal's Aviation Jokes
Humor from the Professional Pilots' Rumor Network
Safe Skies International Humor Section
A directory of aviation humor sites, including spoof airline pages
I'll stop now, WOXOF, but you know what you need. You need a blog. I'll write in and provide Knitting Jokes.**
***********************************
*Visibility zero, ceiling zero, sky obscured by fog.
**Let me be the first to say it: The pilots are funnier.
(What is it about pilots, by the way? WOXOF's like this, Sam's like this, Dad's like this. Once I said to Dad that my brothers and I had all agreed that if he died in the air, in his beloved little plane, we could deal with that, since he'd be doing the Thing He Loves Best. There was a pause. Well, Dad said, I probably wouldn't die in the AIR....) (Old joke. "Flying isn't dangerous. CRASHING is dangerous.)
Anyway. I've got more stuff from WOXOF today. He's discovered An Hilarious Parody Document making the rounds of various piloting sites, and because I'm so touched by his blog faithfulness, I'm going to share it with you.
The document purports to be from British Airways:
There appears to be some confusion over the new pilot role titles. This notice will hopefully clear up any misunderstandings.
The titles P1, P2 and Co-Pilot will now cease to have any meaning, within the BA operations manuals. They are to be replaced by Handling Pilot, Non-Handling Pilot, Handling Landing Pilot, Non-Handling Landing Pilot, Handling Non- Landing Pilot, and Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
The Landing Pilot is initially the Handling Pilot and will handle the take-off and landing, except in role reversal when he is the Non- Handling Pilot for taxi, until the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the Handling to the Landing Pilot at eighty knots.
The Non-Landing (Non-Handling, since the Landing Pilot is handling) Pilot reads the checklist to the Handling Pilot until after the Before Descent Checklist completion, when the Handling Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non- Handling Non-Landing Pilot who then becomes the Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
The Landing Pilot is the Non-Handling Pilot until the "decision altitude" call, when the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Landing Pilot, unless the latter calls "go-around", in which case the Handling Non-Landing Pilot, continues handling and the Non-Handling Landing Pilot continues non-handling until the next call of "land" or "go-around", as appropriate.
In view of the recent confusion over these rules, it was deemed necessary to restate them clearly.
Excellent document.
WOXOF sent this on to our household, since we're in favor of clear writing; he knew we'd enjoy this. (It alarms me, mildly, that I have no trouble following it. Too many years of Elizabethan Secretary Hand? Too many years of freshman essays? Who knows.) Whilst googling, to see where it came from (which was when I discovered that it's omnipresent and ubiquitous, and has some sort of beginning, but damned if I can figure out where), I discovered many many items such as pilots think are hilarious.
Here's another:
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and over fly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs."
Ha, ha! What a hoot. Whata buncha crazy guys!
(If only I could ROW to England this summer. This is NOT making me happier about flying, guys.)
Those of you who need more aviation humor are now provided with the following helpful links (WOXOF, bookmark 'em!):
F-16 Humor (as opposed to humor concerning other, less important planes)
Frugal's Aviation Jokes
Humor from the Professional Pilots' Rumor Network
Safe Skies International Humor Section
A directory of aviation humor sites, including spoof airline pages
I'll stop now, WOXOF, but you know what you need. You need a blog. I'll write in and provide Knitting Jokes.**
***********************************
*Visibility zero, ceiling zero, sky obscured by fog.
**Let me be the first to say it: The pilots are funnier.
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