Excuse me...
Fellow Pghblogger Subdivided had a big night out on Saturday, over on the South Side at Claddaugh's, where another patron was overheard asking the manager if there were any Irish Beers that are similar to Coors Lite.
So now there's a little game going, the object of which is to invent similar constructions. Subdivided provides:
Excuse me -- do you have a French wine that's, like, similar to Boone's Farm?
Excuse me -- do you have a Russian caviar that's, like, similar to Little Friskies?
Excuse me -- do you have any Swiss chocolates that are, like, similar to the Clark bar?
Heh, heh.
Excuse me -- do you have any Vermont maple syrup that's, like, similar to Log Cabin?
Excuse me -- do you have any English cheese that's, like, similar to Kraft's individually wrapped processed slices?
Excuse me -- do you have any German sausages that're, like, similar to Safeway hot dogs?
BUT! Why stop with food!
Excuse me -- do you have any Shetland wool that's, like, similar to Lion Brand acrylic?
But let me digress.
We're all excited about going to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving, where we will eat vast quantities of red and green chile (sometimes on the same plate, which in Albuquerque is the "Christmas" choice), and even some turkey, or whatever my brother "The Real Jim" Jim is planning on cooking in that little apartment stove he's got, and also lovely Yankee pumpkin pie, baked by my Mom from the ancient ancestral pumpkin pie recipe of our people, though I think she's using Splenda instead of brown sugar, at which the ancestors would blanch, except they're busy with other things these days.
However. We find, to our dismay, that our trek to the homeland -- well, one of our homelands -- will cause us to miss the annual Christmas Tree Auction over at the child's parochial school, at which each grade will auction off an ornately decorated Christmas tree, and also there will be a special tree for the Steelers.
We went to this last year and we were amazed, verily. The child's grade was supposed to provide Teddy Bear Christmas tree ornaments for the second grade tree, and the child and I had gone and purchased a meaningful teddy bear ornament which he chose specially and loved dearly, and when we got to the Christmas Tree Auction we found that his was the smallest ornament purchased, and had been stuck at the back of the tree where you couldn't see it. We got over that, though, and then we ate cookies. Everybody was supposed to bring Meaningful Christmas Cookies of their People, so I'd brought biscochitos, which are the meaningful Christmas cookies of New Mexico. A few people tried them, and even remarked to each other how good they were, but they mostly went unnoticed, on account of around here the Meaningful Christmas Cookies of Our People are mostly Italian and Slovakian, and so the biscochitos looked weird in their company.
Anyway, we ate the cookies and we watched the entertainment, which was everybody bidding silently on the Christmas Trees, and all the kids running around yelling, after having eaten way too many meaningful Christmas cookies, and then we went home.
We loved it. It's yet another activity we understand not, along with Bingo night and the Donuts at the Parish Fair. How is it possible that about 10 overly decorated thematic Christmas trees -- the Steeler tree, the teddy bear tree, the gingerbread tree, the fruit tree, the star tree, on and on -- all sold for about $400 each? Why? Why in the name of all that's Meaningful at Christmas would I want to pay $400 for a giant over-decorated thematic tree, which then would get hauled over to my house, and stuck, I guess, in the living room, where we then wouldn't be living anymore? 10 of them, I tell you! I'd gladly pay the parish $400 to keep the thing away from me.
Well, we wanted to see this again, but we can't, not this year.
However, this year we knew better, and so did the organizers. When the call went out for the kids to purchase Christmas tree ornaments, we were given a list of what was acceptable, and we bought exactly what was on the list -- the Decorators had picked ornaments out beforehand. So ours, not being Meaningful, is probably on the front of the tree this year. What was the theme this year, Sam? Skating? Victoriana? Hardware Tools?
Oh, Sam's off on his walk. We'll never know.
Excuse me -- do you have any Meaningful Christmas Trees that're, like, the ones over at the Parish Hall?
So now there's a little game going, the object of which is to invent similar constructions. Subdivided provides:
Excuse me -- do you have a French wine that's, like, similar to Boone's Farm?
Excuse me -- do you have a Russian caviar that's, like, similar to Little Friskies?
Excuse me -- do you have any Swiss chocolates that are, like, similar to the Clark bar?
Heh, heh.
Excuse me -- do you have any Vermont maple syrup that's, like, similar to Log Cabin?
Excuse me -- do you have any English cheese that's, like, similar to Kraft's individually wrapped processed slices?
Excuse me -- do you have any German sausages that're, like, similar to Safeway hot dogs?
BUT! Why stop with food!
Excuse me -- do you have any Shetland wool that's, like, similar to Lion Brand acrylic?
But let me digress.
We're all excited about going to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving, where we will eat vast quantities of red and green chile (sometimes on the same plate, which in Albuquerque is the "Christmas" choice), and even some turkey, or whatever my brother "The Real Jim" Jim is planning on cooking in that little apartment stove he's got, and also lovely Yankee pumpkin pie, baked by my Mom from the ancient ancestral pumpkin pie recipe of our people, though I think she's using Splenda instead of brown sugar, at which the ancestors would blanch, except they're busy with other things these days.
However. We find, to our dismay, that our trek to the homeland -- well, one of our homelands -- will cause us to miss the annual Christmas Tree Auction over at the child's parochial school, at which each grade will auction off an ornately decorated Christmas tree, and also there will be a special tree for the Steelers.
We went to this last year and we were amazed, verily. The child's grade was supposed to provide Teddy Bear Christmas tree ornaments for the second grade tree, and the child and I had gone and purchased a meaningful teddy bear ornament which he chose specially and loved dearly, and when we got to the Christmas Tree Auction we found that his was the smallest ornament purchased, and had been stuck at the back of the tree where you couldn't see it. We got over that, though, and then we ate cookies. Everybody was supposed to bring Meaningful Christmas Cookies of their People, so I'd brought biscochitos, which are the meaningful Christmas cookies of New Mexico. A few people tried them, and even remarked to each other how good they were, but they mostly went unnoticed, on account of around here the Meaningful Christmas Cookies of Our People are mostly Italian and Slovakian, and so the biscochitos looked weird in their company.
Anyway, we ate the cookies and we watched the entertainment, which was everybody bidding silently on the Christmas Trees, and all the kids running around yelling, after having eaten way too many meaningful Christmas cookies, and then we went home.
We loved it. It's yet another activity we understand not, along with Bingo night and the Donuts at the Parish Fair. How is it possible that about 10 overly decorated thematic Christmas trees -- the Steeler tree, the teddy bear tree, the gingerbread tree, the fruit tree, the star tree, on and on -- all sold for about $400 each? Why? Why in the name of all that's Meaningful at Christmas would I want to pay $400 for a giant over-decorated thematic tree, which then would get hauled over to my house, and stuck, I guess, in the living room, where we then wouldn't be living anymore? 10 of them, I tell you! I'd gladly pay the parish $400 to keep the thing away from me.
Well, we wanted to see this again, but we can't, not this year.
However, this year we knew better, and so did the organizers. When the call went out for the kids to purchase Christmas tree ornaments, we were given a list of what was acceptable, and we bought exactly what was on the list -- the Decorators had picked ornaments out beforehand. So ours, not being Meaningful, is probably on the front of the tree this year. What was the theme this year, Sam? Skating? Victoriana? Hardware Tools?
Oh, Sam's off on his walk. We'll never know.
Excuse me -- do you have any Meaningful Christmas Trees that're, like, the ones over at the Parish Hall?
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